healing

Hakomi: Healing Relationships and the Hierarchy of Contexts

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(Picture Credit: Benjavisa Ruangvaree)

By Paul Hubbard, MA, AMFT

In Hakomi, there is a hierarchy of contextual levels. At the lowest level is the technique. Techniques, like probes or contact statements, are easy to learn. The techniques are powerful and work effectively. Students can have success with them right away and can work more exclusively at this level for months or even years. While a student may look for opportunities to use the techniques, they often don’t yet know how to create such opportunities. Through experience, one learns to notice more of these opportunities, and eventually, they learn to organize the techniques in a more systematic and integrated way which brings them to the next level, that of the method (Kurtz, 1988, 1990).

At the next higher level, the method organizes the techniques. The student uses techniques less often but more precisely. They become aware of the diverse aspects of a client. As an example, they learn to work with the client’s inner child. The basic method involves utilizing the Hakomi methodology to evoke experiences that lead to the discovery of a client’s core organizing material, then to examining, processing and transforming that core material (Hakomi Institute, 2015).

“In studying the method, one begins to think about: what character process is this? What system am I in and how can I jump out? What part of the process is this? How do I create an experiment here?” Mastering this level takes much longer, but the work becomes more alive, rich and satisfying. The method is powerful but still has some limits. This brings one to the next level beyond the method, which is the level of relationship (Hakomi Institute; Kurtz, 1990, p. 54).

At the level of the (therapist-client) relationship, a therapist’s “emotional growth and depth of understanding” help determine which methods will work at any given time (Kurtz, 1990, p. 55). The essence of the therapist-client relationship is about obtaining the cooperation and permission of the unconscious, which includes avoiding triggering a client’s need to resist. Acknowledging and honoring a client’s defenses helps them to relax and helps significant experiences to emerge. This means accepting them nonjudgmentally and letting go of any agendas, even if those are based on positive intentions. “Cooperation of the unconscious happens when the client finds nothing in the therapist to resist” (p. 60). The ideal emotional attitude helps a therapist to be available for assistance and just as available to back off, wait and see “where the process wants to go” (p. 63). In giving the relationship a greater priority, the method and technique become easier. Healing relationships are special. There is an essential warmth and friendliness. “There is no question of healer and healed. Both are parts of something greater taking place. Both feel this. Each is healed” (p. 64). At the highest level are the principles. Hakomi principles include mindfulness, nonviolence, unity, mind-body holism, and organicity (Kurtz, 1990).

With unity, for example, we learn that the locus of control and healing are not in the therapist or anything externally, but that control and healing exist within the client and the therapeutic relationship (Kurtz, 1988). Many interventions involve a relaxation of effort, of allowing the spontaneous to happen. “Effort is an ego function. When one efforts, the act of efforting creates an I and a something the I struggles against. In this drama of struggle and competition, the chief act is the creation of a separate self: an ego. Without the struggle, there is no drama”. In spontaneity, “effort evaporates, and ego relaxes” (p.10).

The principles guide all levels but particularly that of relationship. In Hakomi, the therapist’s emotional attitude is grounded within the principles. There is a focus on how all of us are still learning and growing (Kurtz, 1990).


References

Hakomi Institute. (2015). The Hakomi Method. Retrieved from http://hakomiinstitute.com/about/the-hakomi-method

Kurtz, R. S. (1988). The Healing Relationship. Hakomi Forum, 6, 8-17.

Kurtz, R. S. (1990). Body-Centered Psychotherapy: The Hakomi Method. Mendocino, CA: Liferhythm Press.

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Touch and Considerations of Touch In Psychotherapy

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(Photo Credit: ESB Professional)

By Jason Briggs, MA, LMFT

“In the seventy-three seconds prior to the explosion that killed the seven astronauts aboard the space shuttle Challenger in 1986, one was recorded saying to another, ‘Let me hold your hand.’”
– Born to Serve, The Evolution of the Soul Through Service by Susan Trout, PhD

Therapeutic touch is defined as any physical contact between a client and her therapist, while participating in psychotherapy. Psychotherapists often avoid touch in their practice, mostly because it is rarely discussed in schools and training programs. There are also unchecked assumptions about public attitudes of the role therapeutic touch has in the field of psychotherapy, counseling and other licensed clinical fields, as an important and equal healing form of communication, possibly on par with words. Touch is one of many non-verbal modes of communications (i.e., Fridlund, 1994; Young, 2005).

Many psychotherapy practitioners use therapeutic touch to advance healing in relationship with their clients. These clinicians must be broad-minded, informed by boundaries, skillful about its applications, and understand what happens in its absence. “In line with Harlow, Montagu concludes: ‘When the need for touch remains unsatisfied, abnormal behavior will result” (986, p. 46). However, many attitudes inform this ‘separating out’ of using touch in psychotherapy and so legal and ethical mandates need to be regulated, codified and put in to law. Alongside these boundaries and limits, we can also do much as clinicians to learn about and normalize touch, freeing its healing effects to allow it to be helpful and mutually beneficial for therapist and client alike.

Legally, when thinking of using therapeutic touch in psychotherapy, for many clients and clinicians alike, sexual touch may often be confused with therapeutic touch. Therapeutic touch is a touch on a person’s body that may be on skin or clothes and isn’t sexual. This article’s focus isn’t to pour over the entirety of what informs this confusion and how this cultural sanctioned, unchecked assumption came to be, research points to some of these reasons, why such confusion arises when the use of therapeutic touch is used in psychotherapy. To be clear, therapeutic touch or as Mason categorizes it, affectional sharing, is both legal and ethical to use with clients in the field of psychotherapy. Legally, this must be expressed as non-sexual touch, meaning, no touching of the genitals or sexual touching of any kind. Sexual touching is a form of sexual misconduct. Sexual misconduct covers a broad range of activities, including verbal suggestions, innuendoes or unwanted advances. This kind of sexual behavior by a therapist with a client is considered sexually exploitive, illegal and unethical and isn’t therapeutic touch:

“Part of the problem with differentiating sexual and non-sexual touch in therapy stems from the lack of differentiation between sexual feeling and sexual activity. While about 90% of therapists report being sexually attracted to their clients at some time (Pope & Vasquez, 1998), less than 10% have ever violated their clients sexually. Lazarus and Zur (2002), Smith et al, (1998), like many other writers, emphasize that the problem of such lack of differentiation is rooted in insufficient professional education. Part of the problem with differentiating sexual and non-sexual touch in therapy stems from the lack of differentiation between sexual feeling and sexual activity. They view the problem as starting with graduate schools, which focus on rigid, restrictive ethical education and the teaching of risk management practices rather than providing a focus which will assist students in recognizing and processing their sexual feeling towards clients; something, which most would agree, is a common element in the therapist/client dynamic (Pope, Sonne, & Holroyd, 1993). Such lack of education undoubtedly exacerbates the problem, resulting in untrained therapists who tend to deny difficult or unacceptable feelings in a process, which is likely to increase their vulnerability to violate their clients.”

We have let our clients down as therapists who throw the proverbial baby of therapeutic touch out of the bath tub of their own repressed sexual feelings, and often withhold meaningful help and healing touch.

Considerations of ethical standards of practice and care, when a therapist is considering using touch in psychotherapy, are that informed consent to use touch must be written and can take many forms. Whatever way the written informed consent is being offered when intending to use touch with clients in psychotherapy, whether in the standard informed consent for treatment or a completely separate informed consent statement, should be discussed, reviewed together and fully understood prior to being signed. Once signed, verbal consent should be the ongoing default for whether touch is wanted by a client. Subtle forms of coercion, such as asking about a client’s wish for touch after a client has said “no” to an invitation from her therapist to receive some form of touch, is sexual exploitation. The nature of consent to experience therapeutic touch in psychotherapy is ongoing moment to moment and can change at the client’s whim, meaning without an explanation and without external coercion (overt and covert) and fear of punishment by the therapist. The skilled, judicious and attuned ethical therapist tracks verbal and non-verbal communications to learn how to use therapeutic touch with his client’s complete and unequivocal consent. Uncertainty expressed by a client is still viewed by the therapist as an implied “no” and warrants validation and support.

Sometimes a robustly honored “no” can lead to a client accepting therapeutic touch later, emphatically altering the trajectory of their healing process. Once a colleague told me of a client he had who went from initially saying, “I don’t like touch,” to saying, “I think I’m ready for a hug,” after a year of therapy. This prompted him to ask her the question, “how do you think touch can help you in our psychotherapy sessions?” They reviewed some of the research on the value, importance and help one gains through therapeutic touch and together they established a gradually longer hug, always allowing the client to end at her convenience. Once I observed my colleague and his client sharing one of these longer hugs, and upon one of his other colleagues waiting for their hug to end, said to her client, “I’d like to offer you a hug but not that long.” They all laughed and knew that this was her comfort level as a clinician, and this was to be honored and respected, as well the therapeutic touch shared by her colleague and his client.

What are the benefits of the use of touch in psychotherapy? The benefits aren’t just anecdotal, just as much harm is done with words in relationships, so too does the logic follow that touch can be used to harm or heal. We know that touch is instantly reciprocal; we touch and are touched by the other, in one instant when touch is shared, regardless of the intent. We often forget about the innocence we had in ourselves and our clients had in themselves, when harmed by another’s reckless use of touch. In those moments, we forget about what we gave and focus on what we lost. Let us remember, with love and innocence we touched those who harmed us, and it this that remains.

Thus let us always remember, the therapists’ rationale for the use of touch in psychotherapy is essential, to help ourselves and our clients recover their healing. This rationale, should always include the clinicians knowing the ego strength of the client they serve, their propensities toward transference of dissociating when experiencing touch, being over compliant, being inclined to sexualize touch, while having conspicuously absent feelings (either positive or negative) about experiences around touch (black and white thinking and behaving is one of the guises under which projection may occur), etc. The needs of the client must always be uppermost in our minds as therapists. One way to inoculate ourselves against the possibility of putting our needs above our clients’ is by finding ways to have our own physical touch needs met in our communities. Confronting the question of how to touch in psychotherapy, and meeting the complexity of issues that arise when thinking about how to operationalize it, can seem daunting. With the myriad of professional and personal, legal and ethical issues surrounding using touch in therapy, and with a grasp of the complex issues and powerful sensations and feelings that may arise, there can be an amnesia and silence that buries the healing. Healing is a much better reason to begin to understand how to embody right relations to touch we can accept, while learning to not only give touch to our clients in therapy, but to see them be more embodied, whole, connected and free.


References

Fridlund, A. (1994). Human Facial Expression: An Evolutionary View. San Diego, CA: Academic Press.

Pope, K. S. (1990-b). Therapist-patient sexual contact: Clinical, legal, and ethical implications. In Margenau, E.A. The encyclopedia handbook of private practice. pp. 687-696. New York: Gardner Press, Inc.

Pope, K.S., & Vasquez, M.J.T. (1998). Ethics in therapy and counseling: A practical guide, 2nd edition. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.

Trout, Susan, S. (1997). Born to Serve, The Evolution of the Soul Through Service. Alexandria, VA: Three Roses Press.

Young, C. (2005). About the ethics of professional touch. Retrieved from http://www.eabp.org/pdf/TheEthicsofTouch.pdf and

Young, C., and Westland, G. (2014). Shadows in the History of Body Psychotherapy: Part I. International Body Psychotherapy Journal: The Art and Science of Somatic Praxis. Retrieved from http://usabp.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/IBPJournal-Vol-13-1-Spring-2014.pdf

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Healing with Hakomi, Part 1

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(Photo Credit: Kitja Kitja)

By Paul Hubbard, MA, AMFT

The Hakomi Method is a form of contemporary, body-centered or somatic psychotherapy created by Ron Kurtz in the 1970s. It is influenced by general systems theory, particularly living systems, whereby complex systems share basic organizing principles, and is rooted in spiritual principles of the East, including Buddhism, Taoism, mindfulness and nonviolence Hakomi Institute, 2015; Kurtz, 1985).

Nonviolence in psychotherapy includes a willingness to let go of taking credit for a client’s successes in therapy. This means being fully participatory in a client’s healing process without having an agenda or seeing oneself as a hero, even in more subtle ways (Kurtz, 1990).

Growth requires courage, especially when feelings of failure are part of a client’s pain. So how does the therapist hold a space for the re-emergence of vulnerability and courage in the client? They do it through grace, magic, wisdom, care, and by acknowledging the aspects of the client that are ready to grow and heal (Kurtz, 1990).

It is important to recognize what the client is ready to express, and know what potential exists in each moment. At the most basic level, this means, for example, responding to a client’s body language and being mindful of changes in his tone of voice or his eyes becoming moist, and then saying…’Some sadness, huh?’ Recognizing and naming can help a client become more open to any tears or emotions and/or acknowledge a part of herself that would otherwise go unnoticed and slip back into the unconscious (Kurtz, 1990, p. 7).

“To gently name what is real, here and now, to speak out simply without arguing or proving, that is not force,” wrote Kurtz in his book Body-Centered Psychotherapy: The Hakomi Method. “It is a wise and graceful use of the energies of the moment. It calls forth what is true in the client. And that is magic—the calling forth by naming. It has the authority of truth, truth spoken cleanly, with no other motive than to be present and bear witness.”

If the client has been holding back and hiding the truth from both themselves and others, the client’s prior inability to deal with pain can be transformed by the therapist witnessing the client’s truth from a place of love. Energies that were spent in limiting oneself become free to promote new insights into one’s old and unconscious self-sabotaging behaviors (Kurtz, 1990).

When the therapist asks a client to be mindful of what they are experiencing, he is asking for vulnerability and openness from the client for whatever will emerge. Beyond the vulnerability of mindfulness is the vulnerability of the inner child. This child has been hurt and discouraged many times in the past. When the therapist embodies wisdom and care, the wounded child, in the unconscious of the client, responds positively and can be re-integrated back into the conscious awareness of the client (Kurtz, 1990).


References

Hakomi Institute. (2015). Memoriam to Ron Kurtz. Retrieved from http://hakomiinstitute.com/resources/ron-kurtz

Kurtz, R. S. (1985). Foundations of Hakomi Therapy. Hakomi Forum, 2, 3-7.

Kurtz, R. S. (1990). Body-Centered Psychotherapy: The Hakomi Method. Mendocino, CA: Liferhythm Press.

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Come Get Your Pride On With Healing Pathways Psychological Services On June 10th!

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PRIDE FESTIVAL

The festival is on Saturday June 10th from 11am-5pm, costs $10 per person (children 10 and under are free), and is located on the Capitol Mall between 3rd and 7th streets. More about the festival…

ABOUT SACRAMENTO PRIDE

Sacramento Pride 2018 is the 34th annual local commemoration of a pivotal moment in civil rights history, the Stonewall Riots of New York in June, 1969. This moment represented the start of a movement to bring lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) Americans out of the shadows and into everyday society. More recent achievements along these lines have included the repeal of the military’s “don’t ask don’t tell” policy as well as court victories to equalize marriage rights.

The event has evolved into a high profile celebration and cultural festival, both on the national and local levels. Pride was moved from Southside Park in 2010 to the streets along Sacramento’s symbolic Capitol Mall, with the State Capitol building on one end and the iconic Tower Bridge on the other. Pride 2018 will build upon our successes and continue to grow and improve.

Sacramento is already nationally known as a city with a relatively high gay population. The City of Sacramento is estimated to have a gay population of 9.8%, the sixth highest in the nation. The larger metropolitan area comes in at 5.5% which is still higher than the national average of 4.1%.

Pride is more than just a great parade and festival, however. It is produced by the Sacramento LGBT Community Center and is the largest source of funding for the Center’s programs and services. The Center provides unique services for at-risk youth, a free weekly legal clinic, HIV/AIDS prevention and support services, transgender support, and numerous discussion groups and other activities for LGBT adults. The Center is a 501c(3) charitable organization.

OUR COMMUNITY

Healing Pathways Psychological Services is excited to join the celebration of Sacramento Pride 2018. Our contribution to the event not only educates people about what we’re up to in our city, but we will be putting smiles on their faces with fun activities and prizes. We are so delighted to share these festivities with all of you and look forward to sharing this rare opportunity…

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The Buddhist Meditation Practice of Tonglen

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photo credit: Kwanbenz)

By Nicolina Santoro, MA, LMFT 

The act of being aware of how and why we suffer broadens our own understanding of the world by visualizing the reality of an empathetic connection we share as we breathe in. The meditative breath practice of Tonglen involves inhaling through the pain the person you are visualizing is experiencing or is perceived to have caused while breathing out a new frequency of love toward the person we are trying to help, accept or forgive.

According to The Tibetan Book of the Dead by Sogyal Rinpoche, Tonglen is effective in negating the restricting and sometimes detrimental influence of our ego by opening our hearts to those around us without losing ourselves in their personal drama. We are compassionate observers and teachers, while the people around us teach us about how their experience of suffering has affected them.

A powerful part of this practice is visualization, which has a number of cognitive benefits. Continually visualizing scenes that evoke positive emotional states reinforces the production of neurotransmitters in the brain associated with positive emotional states, and encourages the pruning of synaptic relationships that are counterproductive to this practice.

Tonglen Breathing Exercise

It is important to be in a quiet place where you can assume a comfortable posture. As this is a breath awareness exercise, it can be helpful to place your hand on your stomach to increase awareness of your diaphragm moving in and out with each breath.

While inhaling, visualize the pain associated with what you are trying to release around a specific person. Any confrontations or experiences that were especially salient to you will be a good fit for this exercise.

While exhaling, visualize having a positive healing experience with this person, where love is flowing from you to the subject of your practice. This practice is a process of thought transmutation that encourages emotional healing around a person or experience.

A good rule of thumb when adopting any meditation practice is to accept that you may find it difficult to focus while you are experiencing the miscellaneous thought traffic that will drift in and out of your meditation time. Also, if you are a novice meditator, keep it brief at first. Try 10-minute increments once daily until you can sit with ease, then increase the time in 5 or 10 minute intervals until you find what amount of time gives you the maximum benefits.


References

Rinpoche, S. (1993). The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying. (p. 195). NY:Harper Collins.

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Join Healing Pathways Psychological Services at the 2018 Healing Arts Festival!

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The Healing Arts FestivalHAF-Favicon, originally called Intuitive Healing Arts Festival, was created back in 1999 and has always been a place to find top quality psychics & healers, new thought, and ancient traditions. We pride ourselves on having the best of the best in the metaphysical and holistic community and continue to expand with new offerings. The spiritual journey is exciting. At the Healing Arts Festival, we respect all seekers as they travel their paths. The Healing Arts Festival is a forum to discover resources for your journey of personal growth. We create a safe and uplifting environment, and have zero tolerance for immoral interpersonal behavior or business practices.

spiral in natureThe Spiral is seen in nature, art, and ancient culture. In 3 dimensions it is known as a helix and can be seen in our DNA or the galaxy. The spiral symbolizes our spiritual journey from healing and rebirth into wisdom and compassion. It leads us from ego consciousness to cosmic awareness, from the inner world to the outer world, and represents the ever expanding consciousness.

About The Owner/Producer:

Prasanna Hankins

Prasanna Hankins is a healer and entrepreneur in the metaphysical community. She is a disciple of Paramhansa Yogananda and has been practicing and teaching his healing techniques for over 10 years.

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Hello, It’s Nice to Meet You!

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Alicia Cox, MA

By Alicia Cox, MA, AMFT

I’d like to introduce myself to all of you. I am one of the newest marriage and family therapist associates at Healing Pathways Psychological Services and am so excited to be working with such an amazing and supportive team. I am currently gaining hours towards my license and am working under Dr. Kashersky’s advisement.

As an undergraduate, I majored in genetics and psychology. I think my science background gives me an interesting perspective with clients. I sometimes like to view problems from an evolutionary psychology perspective and use cognitive behavioral therapy in practice. I also have training in Mindfulness and use it in as a therapeutic invention with my clients.

Before going back to school for my graduate degree, I worked in the field of clinical research. I initially started as a research coordinator in a pain medicine clinic, working on research studies focused on pain medication addiction.

Most of my career in research was spent at the UC Davis MIND Institute, where I worked for 9 years. In my position as a clinical research coordinator, I worked with families who had children, adults and families impacted by Autism Spectrum disorder, Fragile X syndrome, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity disorder, Tourette’s syndrome, Down syndrome and adults being treated for strokes. Even though I loved my work, I realized the limitations of my position and wanted to pursue a career in which I could contribute more to the treatment of individuals and their families. My trajectory then shifted and I decided to become a marriage and family therapist.

As a graduate student, I completed some clinical training at the MIND Institute. I was a co-leader for multiple social skills groups. I also worked in the ADHD and Learning Differences clinic, helping with a parent education group and completing intakes for new clients in the clinic. From working on research studies and in the clinic, I also gained a lot of experience and training in administering psychological, neuropsychological and academic testing.

My clinical interests include working with families and individuals diagnosed with neurodevelopmental disorders and/or chronic illness. I also have an interest in working with individuals experiencing pregnancy loss and infertility.

In my time at home, I have a very active life with my husband, two sons, two dogs, two cats and two fish. We are animal lovers and have adopted 4 pets to prove it! I also enjoy traveling, running, playing tennis, reading, gardening and listening to podcasts in my free time.

I look forwarding to working with my colleagues at Healing Pathways and with many of you. Also, look at for my future blogs featuring topics on neurodevelopmental disorders, chronic illness and women’s issues.

 

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On Parenting: A Classroom for Healing the Generational Conflict Cycle

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(Photo Credit: ESB Professional)

“…The universe is part of this one cry,
every life is noted and is cherished,
and nothing loved is ever lost or perished.”
Madeleine L’Engle, A Ring of Endless Light

By Jason Briggs, MA

According to the Global Survey of Violence Against Children put out by the United Nations, “every year, between 500 million and 1.5 billion children worldwide endure some form of violence”. 1 Alice Miller, PhD, is a psychologist, sociologist, philosopher and renowned author of many books on child abuse describes in her book, Thou Shalt Not Be Aware: Societies Betrayal of the Child, how past child abuse is meted out against children in innumerable ways and typically by parents who assume consciously or not, a “for your own good” maxim.  Miller shows how the many parenting approaches endorsed in western society produce a multi-generational conflict cycle, through overt and covert trauma bonds. These bonds within the child/caregiver relationship are felt and aren’t impacted by analytical thought so they touch all our families equally, regardless of educational level, socio-economic status, race, etc. This blog will explore one aspect of this generational conflict cycle and be a part of a series of blogs with some solutions offered in each blog. The goal is to help parents identify and begin healing to eventually resolve the generational conflict cycle. (See Alice Miller’s book: For Your Own Good: Hidden Roots of Cruelty and Violence in Child Rearing for exploring the ways this cycle is perpetuated.)

The generational conflict cycle begins when parents with unhealed emotional wounds unconsciously attempt to get their own emotional needs met by their children. Parents will do this both consciously and unconsciously and often see their children through the veil of their own unfinished business (by bypassing this aspect of their powerful inner life), which consists of “…past internalized perceptions, which are ‘frozen’ and usually stemming from childhood.” The effects on children are they must idealize their parents to survive as their own healthy needs go unmet, the ability to soothe themselves is further perceived as hopeless, and the true self (the entire access to ones innate inner life: feelings, thoughts, wants, needs, choices, decisions, beliefs, sensations, dreams, fantasies) goes into hiding in the unconscious while a false self emerges. This child’s false self is the one that complies and relates from the parental emotional wounds as solidified judgments, which are projected onto their children, seen predominately as children’s misbehavior, oddities, attitudes, or any other judgement. This is the way a parent unconsciously ends up placing the emotional needs of the parent above their children’s emotional needs and maintains the generational conflict cycle.

Emotionally neglected children, commonly grow up to be adults who in turn, emotionally neglect their inner emotional world and those of their children. Our neglected emotional and psychological needs by the now adult parent are automatically passed on to the next generation. This generational conflict cycle, when denied, operates as generational conflicts maintained in the parent/caregiver/child relationship and takes many forms (See Alice Miller’s book: Thou Shalt Not Be Aware: Societies Betrayal of the Child, for exploring more in depth ways we function in society to hold power over children, to the betrayal of children).

As parents, cultivating a mindful stance that addresses the neglect of our own unmet emotional needs helps shift the parenting stance from mindless to mindful. The hope of making this shift from the mindless to the mindful means choosing to end the bypassing of doing one’s own inner work and being self-responsible for the condition of one’s own mind. One way to do this is by choosing to see our pain as an opportunity for healing and growth, rather than a curse. Exploring that opportunity as a healing choice means to begin addressing one’s own generational conflict cycle, regardless of the time, patience, and persistence required. Therapy that helps promote healing maintains that parents focus on certain essentials to recovery, by: 1) slowing down and understanding the steps in going from ‘zero to sixty’, 2) learning about projection and it’s guises (projection is an emotional wound that is seen in another, because it is been denied in ourselves), 3) seeking therapy that focuses on experiential work that at some point includes body awareness work, 4) learning about the nature of the psyche, what constitutes its dynamics, and explore if and when a self-help approach is limiting our efforts to heal (as we may be unknowingly perpetuating a belief  that we must do our inner work alone), 5) being willing to learn about mindsight research in attachment and effective parenting (see Daniel Siegel’s work), and the way the caregiver’s role, emotions, and psyche condition impact our children’s healthy and unhealthy development, 6) exploring new and creative ways to heal and nurture ourselves as parents, as the cause for our truly being there for our children, 7) being willing to cultivate understanding and compassion in our healing and growth process, as parents.

All parents have a thankless job with most never consciously wanting to harm their children, and appealing to that truth, I see this daily in service to my clients who are parents, and see this is true, being mostly out of awareness. The generational conflict cycle may mean we need help in understanding its causes, effects, and what heals it.  One way to explore essentials to healing it is to enjoy a great read by Charles Whitfield, MD, researcher and psychotherapist from Atlanta, Georgia, titled, Boundaries and Relationships, Knowing, Protecting, and Enjoying the Self. For help with understanding these skills more experientially by using emotional, psychological, or spiritual disciplines, ask yourself, “Is it time to give a gift to myself and my children by seeing my own emotional and psychological pain as a classroom for learning about my inner life?” For me, the answer is an unequivocal YES! Before I cultivated a proper focus on addressing my own unmet emotional and spiritual needs, I was a smiling, charming and successful parent but was only one half alive, meeting only my physical and mental needs! We are here to live life fully and with joy. As parents, one way of taking steps toward that fullness of life is to explore our choices for healing, and when ready, to decide to begin to explore what it means to see parenting as a classroom for healing our own generational conflict cycle.


References

Miller, Alice (1984). Thou shalt not be Aware, society’s betrayal of the child    Toronto, Canada. Collins Publishers

Miller, Alice (1997).  Drama of the Gifted Child, the Search for the True Self   Garden City, New York.  Basic Books

Trout, Susan (1990).  To See Differently, Personal Growth and Being of Service Through Attitudinal Healing. Three Roses Press

Whitfield, Charles (1993).  Boundaries and Relationships, Knowing Protecting and Enjoying the Self.  Health Communications, Inc.

https://www.compassion.com/poverty/child-abuse.htm United Nations, Special Representative of the Secretary-General on Violence against Children. Toward a World Free From Violence: Global Survey on Violence against Children, October, 2013.

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The Voices Within, Part 1

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(Photo Credit: Klaus Hertz-Ladiges)

By Paul Hubbard, MA

Voice Dialogue work is a psychotherapy modality developed by Drs. Hal and Sidra Winkelman Stone. It has roots in Jungian psychology and involves accessing different sub-personalities like the inner child and the inner critic, among many others. Most people go through their lives more strongly identified with particular sub-personalities, or primary selves, while generally dis-identifying from other, more opposite sub-personalities, or disowned selves.

In Voice Dialogue work one learns to identify both their primary selves, and their disowned selves. The primary selves are the part of the personality that one tends to be more identified with. For example, the selves that help one to better fit into and/or be more successful within a social circle or in the world in general that one moves in.

In Jungian terminology, the disowned selves are a part of the shadow (Stone & Winkelman, 1989). The shadow represents the aspects of “ourselves that we do not know or refuse to know, both dark and light. It is the sum total of the positive and negative traits, feelings, beliefs, and potentials that we refuse to identify as our own.” It is the “part of us that is incompatible with who we think we are or who we are supposed to be.”

In our relationships, we tend to attract others who reflect the disowned aspects of ourselves. The more these various aspects have been disowned or more deeply buried in the unconscious the stronger the reaction tends to be when we encounter others who live out more overtly the disowned parts of ourselves. “We can be helpless victims to the multitude of relationships in our lives that reflect our disowned selves or we can accept the challenge of these relationships and ask: ‘How is this person or this situation, my teacher?’”

What is common to all sorts of relationships is that people get in bonding patterns which are parent-child energetic dynamics wherein one person tends to be more heavily identified with a parental role and the other person tends to be more heavily identified with a child role. Bonding patterns happen in all types of relationships, including, but not limited to romantic relationships and actual parent-child relationships. The parental sides tend to be more power oriented and the child sides tend more towards vulnerability.

One of the goals in therapy using voice dialogue work involves accessing the aware ego, which is the part of oneself that has some separation from the sub-personalities and can even, through increased awareness, be aware simultaneously of two or more very different parts of oneself, like parental and child aspects, or our power and vulnerable sides. This is not necessarily an easy process and can be hard work at times, but it is possible even though generally one is not aware of a bonding pattern until after it expresses. With development of the aware ego, one can avoid getting into bonding patterns as intensely and then get out of them more quickly when they do occur. A key to this awareness is understanding the role of vulnerability in a relationship and how a disowned or unconscious vulnerability can be a trigger for going into a bonding pattern. If only one of the two people in the bonding pattern has some awareness that a bonding pattern is happening then it is much easier to avoid it being so painful. Having a sense of humor and being able to laugh is a good indicator of accessing the aware ego.


References

Richo, D. (1999). Shadow Dance. Boston, MA: Shambala

Stone, H. & S. Winkelman (1989). Embracing Our Selves. San Rafael, CA: New World Library

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The Healing Power of Sound Intensive Meditation Experience

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Crystal Singing Bowls Mind/Body Connection

Healing Pathways is very excited to bring you the crystal bowls to bring balance to your mind, body, and spirit. The bowls are pure crystal and tuned to specific frequencies and chakras to enhance the meditator’s experience, taking you deeper into meditation. Most ancient cultures used the magical power of sound to heal and to bring the body back into resonant balance. Regardless of your level of meditation practice, the crystal bowls will assist you in reducing stress, anxiety, and pain, promote happiness, peace of mind, and help you hear the music of your life-purpose.

Come and learn to open up to your deeper wise self while resonating with the healing sounds of the crystal bowls. Regardless of your level of meditation practice you will be able to experience a richer grounding, healing and/or connection to your higher source. Mindful practitioners of all levels are welcome to come and enjoy this unique meditative experience. Feel free to bring a blanket and pillow for the meditation portion of the program.

Given her background in evidenced-based healing models, Dr. Leona Kashersky is presenting this ancient practice of crystal singing bowls, chakral system theory, rhythm and mantra meditation with the modern principles of EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). This fusion of past, present and future is sure to enhance your inner work of integrating your heart and mind at a serene location provided by Healing Pathways.

Stay Tuned! Next event date to be posted soon!

For registration call: 916-595-7233
Email soundhealinghpps@gmail.com for registration details
Cost $140 3 hour instruction and experiential didactic.

 

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