The Science of Calm

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By Alicia Cox, MA, AMFT

In therapy, there are many techniques that I often suggest to clients to help them come back to a calmer state. Many of these techniques are connected to biological reactions to triggers that induce a calmer state. There is a science to these exercises, which have been proved useful for when we need help managing emotions. Here are a few of the more common calming techniques to help you relax and de-stress:

Breathing Exercises

One of the most common practices I have shared with my clients regards learning the proper way to breathe. Fortunately, there is an easy routine you can follow to help you breathe to feel calmer and relaxed.

First, try breathing in twice as fast as you breathe out. For example, breathe in to the count of three and breathe out to the count of six. When we breathe in, our sympathetic nervous system (SNS) is activated. This is the area of our brain that is responsible for our fight-or-flight or stress response. When we breathe out, our parasympathetic nervous system (PNS) is activated. This is the area of the brain that is responsible for relaxation. When we breathe out longer than we breathe in, we will slowly calm ourselves down, over time.

Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth with pursed lips. This practice also activates the PNS area of the brain and can help us reach a calmer state.

Make sure you are breathing diaphragmatically, which means to breathe from your stomach or diaphragm instead of your chest. When we take shallow breaths (chest breaths), we activate a panicky sensation that can increase anxiety in moments when we may not need to be anxious. Breathe from your stomach regularly, so you do not trigger this response.

Test if you are breathing from your diaphragm by feeling the temperature of your out-breath on your hand. If your breath feels cold, your breathing is shallow; if the temperature is warm, you are breathing diaphragmatically. You can also put one hand on your chest and the other on your stomach. The hand that rises as you breathe in is where your breath is coming from. If your breathing is shallow, practice breathing from your stomach so that you begin to breathe this way more naturally.

Cold Water

When you splash cold water on your face, take a cold shower or drink cold water while holding your breath, you activate the “dive response.” This response tricks your brain into believing you are underwater, which slows down your heart rate and redirects the majority of your blood to the brain and heart. After exposure to cold water, your body and mind will slowly start to calm down so you can manage these intense emotions more easily.


Floating in water has many health benefits. Floating increases our blood circulation and allows oxygen to be distributed more efficiently throughout our body and helps the brain to function more effectively. Floating can also cause the brain to release endorphins, which can improve our mood.


I encourage you to try these calming techniques when you are feeling stressed or having trouble managing emotions. But for these skills to be most effective, it is important to practice them regularly. In doing so, you are preparing yourself for difficult times when you might need them most.


Kallevang, B. How Floating Can Change Our Brains Incredibly, According To Science. Retrieved from

Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets (2nd ed.). New York, NY: The Guilford Press.

McKay, M., Wood, J. C. & Brantley, J. (2007). The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation & Distress Tolerance. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications.

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Strategies for Healing Perfectionism

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(Photo Credit: Cartoon Resource)

By Natalie Stamper, Psy.D

Perfectionism is a concept that plagues a wide array of people. When in full effect, it can provide both positive and negative benefits. In the long run, however, it is important to ensure it does not become an overwhelming force. Perfectionism can come from numerous sources, however, it can be dealt with by using several strategies.

Firstly, perfectionism can come from disorders like obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), social anxiety disorder, and panic disorder (Star). It is typically brought out by an internal need to be better or in an ideal state created by one’s mind. It can also come from nagging fears about others’ perceptions of oneself. Living with a perfectionist mindset can become both mentally and emotionally exhausting. Additionally, perfectionism can hinder one’s ability to properly manage anxiety and the other symptoms that come with it (Star). Perpetuating the negative emotions of perfectionism by feeding into it will only bring more distress. When the desire to be perfect comes into mind frequently, it becomes a problem.

Let’s try being more mindful by addressing perfectionist thoughts head-on and recognizing when feelings of doubt and/or embarrassment are irrational. Furthermore, perfectionism can be challenged by an array of mindful methods. Professionals in mental health, as well as simple self-help practices, work well in combating anxiety (Star). Thinking about the “need” or “want” to be perfect, what it entails, and why one wants to reach perfection is another method that challenges oneself to delve into the root of perfectionist anxieties. Through deeply considering the nature of one’s anxieties, it becomes easier to dismantle them and deal with the thoughts that push us so hard to be perfect (Jacobs & Antony). If one is feeling courageous, seek out small things that can trigger feelings of anxiety due to perfectionism (Jacobs & Antony). These things can be as simple as missing a spot while cleaning the floor or “forgetting” to put a book away. In doing this, it becomes easier to get comfortable with imperfection and come to terms with it.

Perfectionism is a tricky feeling to deal with. It provides motivation, yet also leaves stressful and negative emotions in the back of one’s head. Managing it can be made trivial by trying to be more mindful and reducing stress. Perfection does not exist; in chasing after it, anxiety and stress will only follow. Remind yourself to relax sometimes and remember that mistakes aren’t inherently bad. Without them, no one would learn a thing.


Jacobs, Andrew M., and Martin M. Antony. “Strategies for Coping with the Need to Be Perfect.” Beyond OCD,,

Star, Katharina. “How Perfectionism Can Contribute to Anxiety.” Verywell Mind, Verywell Mind, 20 May 2019,

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